Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

With the full moon approaching tomorrow, we at Cottingham tv will not be trying to act like lunatics tonight! Only the Victorians thought mad people were affected by the Moon – hence the name ‘lunar tic’ was born. Looney tunes are related too and worth a watch!

Trying to always see the funny side of revelling. Ed.

P.S. Tomorrow’s full moon is looming large – it’s a Supermoon, aka Wolf Moon!

P.P.S. Action heroes, were rabbits and loons everywhere – beware!  (although those in the know will tell you to be calm as outdoor root vegetables are out of season here now – but not, necessarily, in greenhouses 🙂

May Bank Holiday Weekend Approaches!

Plenty to see – but expect considerable traffic disruption

Friday 29th. April

Stage 1 Tour de Yorkshire departs from Beverley heading West through the villages including Cherry Burton and Market Weighton – we’ll bring you some pictures on Friday

Saturday 30th. April – through Bank Holiday Weekend

Stage 2 Tour de Yorkshire departs from Doncaster heading North to Otley

Stage 3 ends on Sunday heading South from Middlesborough to Scarborough

Sunday 1st. May

East Riding Jazz Youth Orchestra – Civic Hall

25th. – 27th. May

Cottingham Springboard weekend approaches

Olive Garden hosts some Cottingham Springboard events for 2016

4th. July

Cottingham Day 

26th. Aug

Chas & Dave – entertainers with a comedy touch 🙂

Let us know your up-and-coming events!

We’re on Facebook as cottingham.tv

Is the UK in danger of adopting a ‘Groucho Marx position’ on European Membership?

Groucho Marx

If one thinks of ‘Groucho’ and ‘Marx’ as discrete words, one conjours-up images like stubborn, dyed in the wool, small-thinking, petite bourgeoisie socialism and yes, even bolshy ’70s-style shop stewards and union members!

What Groucho Marx actually said was much more witty: “I would never join a club that would have me as a member!” 🙂

Is it ‘I’m alright Jack’ or ‘jobs for the boys’ that is really at stake?

Being fed on a diet of plenty to the point of being sick may never satisfy the truly (in)dependent addict – only exploding will suffice!

Are we being sucked-in by a Bolshevick-inspired Kafkaesque socialist movement having a seemlingly-relentless, verging-on-chronic need for administration and togetherness, brought on by the strength of the ‘union of togetherness’? Together we’re strong

Or are we being seduced by other factions? The author remembers that it’s not just governments that recruit foreign labour – it’s employers!

UK and Europe: who is the fat man, who is in danger of becoming the thin man and who is the sick man in danger of exploding?

 

This idea was depicted humerously in Monty Python’s exploding fat man being offered a further desert; “go on sir, just one more mint!” Warning: those of a delicate disposition should look away as this satire can still shock even today!

European Membership Stay or Leave Opinion: are we the straw that broke the camels back or are we more like a house of straw if we go it alone?

Will producing finer steel for example help us produce sharper tools?

No. We’re on our own if we decide to leave on account of the edicts laws and machinations emenating from Brussels. We’re more vulnerable to hostile trade deals and market pricing as hundreds and even thousands of jobs in the regions can depend upon events beyond one nation’s control as illustrated in today’s headlines threatening jobs at TATA in Port Talbot: China’s steel prices. Future trade wars cannot be ruled out.

If the City of London comes on hard times as will occur sooner or later in our global boom-bust economy, will our diversified but under-invested UK provincial manufacturing base be able to sustain us? Will we still be able to dig ourselves back out of recession as we did in the early ’80s without a substantial manufacturing base?

As Donald Trump said about abortion: will the regions be ‘punished’ either way as a consequence of poor centralised strategic decision making – either by London or from Brussels?

Will Scotland leave the UK in order to re-negotiate its European membership as a sovereign state if we vote to leave?

Will the provinces e.g. Yorkshire and the Regions wish to follow suit as the City hardly re-invests in the regions nowadays – unlike Europe with it’s Regional Development Funding? Even this regional fuding allocation is still run by the ‘old boys club’ and for the benefit of ‘jobs for the boys’ which is tolerated unfortunately however – and they’re not going to give up without a fight. Remember the QUANGOs like the bloated Yorkshire Forward which the previous administration made their election pledge to dismantle? It still goes on and Europe appears riddled with it as a Spaniard recently related to me. But that’s the point: that culture would not change if we left the EU – it would just get worse! If a reformed Europe were able to stamp-out all the low-level corruption, it would certainly be worth remaining in it to help it to bring about the changes sought.

Those with long memories may remember the post-war austerity of the 1950s where we had to make and export to the US in order to earn money to pay our way. No fat men or international trade dealing existed back then.. well, not as we know them today.

Nein, Non, No!

We’ve also been referred to as the “Insel Affen” (Island of the Planet of the Apes – loosely translated). In terms of meaning, one could describe us in the UK as being like the Ferengi citizens as reluctant and rather selfish trading members of the Federation of Planets in Star Trek!

Europe is as much a cultural union as it is a trading union!

Ferengi Citizen

Are our financial services also destined go the way of Steam?

There are large changes in the pipeline: will the City of London be left high and dry?

Will we abandon Europe at the worst possible moment as it abandons it’s out-moded primary operating culture from centralised finance directly into distributed production?

You may also remember that in Star Trek, the need for money had been abandoned in favour of personal development, discovery and altruism, as their economy of plenty had liberated them out from a world of financial enslavement. Financial services are changing now with the introduction of automated AI trading systems and the future of employment in the City is also being called into question. As a further example of technical developments; the future role of medical doctors is also brought into question with the advent of artificial intelligence AI in our IT systems where we are diagnosed for illness by virtual doctors on-screen and plugged in for our personal MOT health checks rather like modern cars.

It would therefore be most unwise to walk away from a seat at the top table of the wealthiest diverse trading block and market on Earth – regardless of your ‘Groucho’ or ‘Karl‘ interpretation of Messrs. Marx!

Note: don’t we already have the best of both worlds – as in having your cake and eating it?

By retaining both our own currency and European membership, are we not already at liberty to trade with whomever we wish? Brazil, Russia, India and China BRIC included?

Nick

 

PS: EU Referendum Postal Poll Cards are in the post to registered voters – ours arrived today – make sure you have your say by making sure you’re registered on the voting list

Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers and Harry Secombe record cover? (aka The Goons and also available in ‘vinyl’) – do you have this or other collectible albums stashed in your loft?

Escape from the War!

The ’50s witnessed the blossoming of British creative talent leading into the ’60s

Following the narrowest of escapes many years later, even after Dunkirk*,  like the Goons, our intrepid editor is delighted to report that all appears to be well, following a successul rear guard action – his mad antics will be described later – stay tuned  🙂

 

The Goons featuring

Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, Michael Bentine and Harry Secombe

–  the other fabulous foursome!

First there came Spike Milligan

* Following the media repression and misery of the war years, they burst out from the constraints of authoritarian wartime Britain into Radio like a un-coiling spring, as an outrageously funny irreverent foursome to poke fun at the ‘wooden’ establishment that had held them in check for so long!

Although a jazz vocalist-turned-entertainer of the troups during wartime Britain, Spike Milligan could be considered as the lyrical / satyrical / anti-war / anti-authority ‘John Lennon’ founder of this particular fabulous foursome, along with co-writers Larry Stephens and Eric Sykes. Spike wrote and performed comedy sketches as part of concerts to entertain troops during the war years as a signaller in the Royal Artillery 56th. Armoured Division. Hmmm.. dad must have known of him as a member of a similar Division. The editor also remembers reading one of his amazing books  quite early on – which together with Waugh’s Scoop and Voltaire’s Candide probably didn’t do him much good either, speaking as a ‘sensible citizen‘ of questionable sensibilities, that is  🙂

Peter Sellers and Ian Carmichael as sensible citizens, tongue in cheek, in “I’m Alright Jack” – another hilarious attempt of the social classes to return to civilian life in post-war, re-uniting Britain! The whole nation’s returning soldiers appeared to be suffering from a form of collective PTSD – for which manic humour and a liberal measure of ‘for God’s sake pull yourself together man’ were prescribed! Hence – ‘I’m OK, you’re OK, we’re OK’; I’m alright, We’re alright, You’re alright, Jack?

Note: this clip doesn’t do the film justice – watch the whole film to get the full comedy including the ‘you’re not the detergent type’ Ian Carmichael clip – and Peter Sellers as the union shop steward! Sellers went to work on the character and role of “Fred Kite” with all the obsessive and meticulous attention to nuance and detail he lavished on Dr. Stragelove! When the social classes eventually and inevitably collided as Carmichael dated his pretty daughter in the spirt of the times (the new progressive and socially-mobile ‘swinging’ ’60s), ‘war’ threatened to break back-out again, but it was held in masterful restraint as ‘preventative internecine warefare countermeasures’ by union man Sellers in his hysterically funny portrayal!

Each to their own: Fred Kite – father and union man

The role of ‘sensible citizen’ as “reluctant comedian” in The Goon Show (as in real life) was played by ex. RAF intelligence officer Michael Bentine

On the editor’s young adult reading list

Serious dutiful absentee citizen Bentine (above) – then along came  Harry Secombe and Peter Sellers (below)

The editor particularly remembers the radio dialogues between Sellers, Secombe aka ‘Neddie Seagoon’ and Milligan!

The Goons was first broadcast on the BBC Home Service in 1951

 

Nick  🙂

Lancaster Bomber, 1940s

Chocks away! Cottingham.tv remembers .. the ’40s .. ’50s .. ’60s

Can you remember this BBC Radio comedy sketch featuring Peter Cook and Jonathan Miller?

Further to watching a very touching tribute to George Martin  on BBC4 last night

The sequence opens with Peter Cook, in the uniform of a senior RAF officer, entering to the sound of airmen singing heartily around a piano.

Cook Perkins! (Jonathan Miller breaks away from the singing) Sorry to drag you away from the fun, old boy. War’s not going very well, you know.

Miller Oh my God!

Cook  …war is a pyschological thing, Perkins, rather like a game of football. You know how in a game of football ten men often play better than eleven?

Miller Yes, sir.

Cook Perkins, we are asking you to be that one man. I want you to lay down your life, Perkins. We need a futile gesture at this stage. It will raise the whole tone of the war. Get up in a crate, Perkins, pop over to Bremen, take a shufti, don’t come back.

Goodbye, Perkins. God, I wish I was going too.

Miller Goodbye, sir – or is it – au revoir?,’

Cook No, Perkins.

Read on ..

The Bomber Boys

This humour was reported  as ‘too near to the bone’ at the time, verging on satire!

To be continued ..

 

Debate: have we learnt anything since the 40s?

facebook: cottingham.tv

Despite having been ‘born at a very early age’ indeed, the editor struggles to remember anything much before the 1960s!

Will he therefore be doomed to repeat himself forever more, cught in a time-warp like a cracked record? How will he escape?

  • find out in our next exciting installment!

Nick 🙂

Having the gift of the gab is rarer than you might suppose:

lifes journey, sometimes refered to as the bumpy road, can be made a lot easier and smoothed-out if you have it and a lot rougher if you don’t!

Although Sir Terry was much liked, the Editor struggled at first to find common ground here: the Eurovision Song Contest and its organizers as headquartered in Vienna which he visited briefly last year – and bumped into on the central station there, managing to crack a joke with the Station Master about golf whilst not personally considering retirement just yet. He thought it was more funny than the Editor did at the time – but we do share a slight sense of dark humour with our Saxon friends, also having a bit more of the Blarney in common. Terry didn’t take things (work, retirement or life) at all too seriously it appeared, including humour itself that is, unlike our foreign German-speaking friends 🙂

The Editor thinks both Terry Wogan and David Bowie read and listened to music and the arts widely (as enthusiastic autodidactic learners rather than structured academically-trained thinkers) and that therefore they were able to experiment more freely with ideas.

Bawler or Boomer?

Terry was certainly a boomer, never a bawler!

Life compared to a Waltz rather than a bumpy road

As he might have said: And now for some some steam music? Why for steam radio of course – to be enjoyed by older boilers like me – and you, and you!

To be followed hastily by; and of course younger boilers like your dear self, Madam!

(In typically self-deprocating manner)

And something for Radio 2 Listeners?

This one’s definitely more for Radio 3 listeners however: –

In some ways, life for Terry could be regarded as a waltz rather than a bumpy road, rather like Johann Strauss’ steam engine where dancers glide and reciprocate in gentle circular motion with each other – rather than clash up against immovable obstacles! Perhaps this is why people liked the elegance of steam engines compared with the rough argy-bargy of engine and carriage-shunting, Diesels, buffers and all the ‘stop-go’ motion involved in marshalling yards!

Round House Turntable – seeing things in the round – good things like music come in round packages

And for a Radio 4 type discussion perhaps..

Waltz piano sheet (and pianola) music from Vienna: the popular music of the time

The Editor claims also to be 1/16th. Irish though, from those Kellys from Cork rather than neighbouring Limerick.

Let us know of your encounters – witticisms, be they informal, remote or otherwise, with Sir Terry!

Terry shared with the Editor a common reluctance for having scripts for what he said live and online, and much of what Terry said was indeed straight from the heart and un-rehearsed, which gave it a spontaneity – and also made him inadvertently a master of understatement.

read on ..

Nick

(contact: nick4182@hotmail.com)

 

The Story of the Lonesome Pine and the Giant Corporation

Or how to go from zero to hero – online

A lonesome pine neon sign in the desert (gettyimages)

Starting from scratch to go to the top of the listings, this is more than a story about neon signs in the desert: how to succeed online

it’s more than just about putting up a website and expecting people to find it ..

If you are new to using the Internet this may come as some consolation:  we know the majority of you who are fifty-plus are new to it and that many more of you are wanting to promote yourselves and your interests online.

Soon another sign followed our lonesome pine .. and another

And a poet soon arrives and before you know it ..

Home for tired aspirational neon signmakers in the desert

And who would have guessed,

they served-up the best!

Nick and his friends decided to provide shade, some lonesome pine entertainmet, rest and serve some refreshments to tired drivers!

Laurel and Hardy: in it to hit it!

Nick got so fed up of telling his life story over and over,

he decided to tell a ryme,

make a film and put it online .. (ouch)

Dive for cover!

For Nick was now about to get out his holiday snaps ..

And tell another    🙂

You also need to get yourself high-up in the search engine rankings in order to be seen

The Americans have an evocative expression for the problem: it’s like putting up a neon sign in the desert!

Fave rave

Google is the primary Internet search engine of choice that everyone uses for most routine enquiries and there are two routes to get the top of page 1. Like most things in life you need money and or much sense to get to the top of the pile! Some things in life (as online) are free but many are not. What started out as a generous and altruistic plan to improve knowledge-sharing by universities between geeky academics soon became commercialised and taken-up by governments. People and business soon followed. Cottingham.tv is also committed to the early spirit of the Internet and likes to inform and provide lots of free stuff online!

google “Google permitted use of logo images”

Some more news and views

66% of us now own a smart phone and for the younger generations it is the must-have accessory. All this information is just a few clicks away online thanks to the likes of Google, unlike in the old days when you would have to trudge down to the council offices and probably also have to visit the County archives in Leeds.

To give you an idea of how much is at stake here – with Google recently agreeing to pay a decade of UK back tax amounting to some £120m, some have said it still only represents a drop in the ocean!

Back to our story ..

During Year 1 we struggled with the main Internet search engine page ratings to climb up the ratings for the keyword “Cottingham”. We are now jockeying for key position with Wikipedia for the keyword Cottingham! For months we were repeatedly hurled back from Page 3 to Page 12 on Google and we got “spammed” with thousands of junk emails, so we decided to discontinue our inbox and let social media take the strain (you can find us on Facebook and Twitter). Some say it’s a war for ratings out there online, as it is in real life. Seeking a new start in a fresh place is like the wild west – hence sometimes it makes sense to be a lonesome pine – and tell a ryme, or two!

We say with hindsight: early set-backs just made us all the more determined. Getting good back-links to tell your story online helps your ratings too and they are the equivalent of references in real life.

read on ..

You’ve got to be in it to hit it!

We at Cottingham.tv are now in pole position to help others with their search engine promotions online!

Equiries welcome to Cottingham Allsorts

Nick

IOC: The search for an ‘escaped goat’ continues..

“Lost in Translation”:

 

the ‘satyrical’ movie!

A lot of head-scratching is going on currently – in the headquarters quite naturally, we’re told!

The International Olympics Committee is searching for the truth about the satyr – is it a myth? Can a Russian sportsman reportedly when doped make a comeback as a half-goat?

Our local litter-picker is reportedly a Buddhist who believes in recycling and reincarnation.

He wants to come back as a can of condensed milk – but please, oh please, unopened!

FIFA is also looking for a new Chairman

They just can’t seem to get the right staff these days .. here is a short interview test question we’d ask one candidate

Q. Should or could a footballer throw a match?

A. No, only a ball on certain occasions.

That is the correct answer!

One is reminded of other lost in translation comedies with wordplay – remember Benny Hill?

Some of the editors’ favorites: –

 

In an effort to appeal to the younger generation, cottingham.tv suggests they might try a modern computer game?

There’s an escaped goat! #findthegoat

Scapegoats are indeed a recurrent theme in comedy along with wordplay as you may see!

#lostintranslation ? #followthehaggis !

P.S: We may also even get round to reviewing the film!

Suggestions on a postcard please to Cottingham.tv please mark c/o The Head Attendant, Kingston Municipal Lavatories, Queen Victoria Square, Hull

 

P.P.S: Whilst we’re on the subject of taking the PPS’s:

Fame for Cottingham Comedy Stand-ups at last – or where to go in Hull

Blowback!

Alternatively speaking, you can see us featured as Cottingham Stand-up Comedy in The List with truly ground-breaking, earth-shaking events taking place directly opposite!

But please be careful to only turn your head to look across when precipitating into the porcelains..

Nick 🙂

Are you a bawler or a boomer – or are you just super cool?

Which empty vessel makes the most noise?

‘Superheroes’ can come in many different shapes and guises!

Spiderman (above right) has lots of speed dynamism and tenacity, whereas Supervan (centre) is very sedate and thoughtful with much carrying capacity and dyamic duo Zen (left) has lots of taste with a calming yin and yang balance! Which type of mug best depicts your personality and when with other people, which role do you prefer to take on? Would it be supercool to take Spiderman to Glastonbury?

Coffee break tip from Cottingham.tv

Here’s a trick I learned from teaching: purchase some coffee mugs locally and the next time you have a coffee break, make them available for staff to choose!

#bawlerorboomer

Nick

 

 

 

At cottingham.tv and with Halloween Festivities in mind, we’re having a ‘kindness to carrots’ day!

How to enjoy eating your greens – even if they are orange!

Vegetables needn’t taste awful -with these few basic cooking tips from Cottingham.tv you too can make them taste great!

Vegetables needn’t taste like medicine – as something that has to be endured rather than enjoyed. In fact, the Victorians had a dreadful old maxim: the worse a medicine tasted, the more it did you good. Indeed our puritanical, no-frills approach to food preparation and cooking still persists today out in the regions!

How to avoid murdering your vegetables to death!

continued ..

Despite all the TV cooking programs out there, in this northern region and I’m sure in many others, our 1970s school dinner-style fried or boiled mentality persists where children are made to eat their greens and clear their plates!

Even your kids will like them!

continued ..

Here at Cottingham.tv we’ve added an autumnal twist so you can enjoy eating your greens! continued ..

continued ..

it’s better for you, better for the kids and better for the carrots!

continued ..

continued ..

N.B: If you want separate carrot servings, after grilling your carrots on an oven tray under an open oven red-heat grill for 20 minutes as described, you should leave them in a closed oven covered in cooking foil with some added boiling water on 150 degrees for a further hour to cook them through thoroughly – you can add other vegetables as described. Remove smallerveges when they are browned!

Pumpkins are “squashes” like aubergines and courgettes and they will also respond well to this kind of cooking – but please note they have shorter cooking times – but you need to experiment!

Happy Halloween from Cottingham.tv!

Nick, Mike and Anne